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Apple Store
[post_intro] [/post_intro] “Getting mugged” is a synonym for “shopping at the Apple Store.” I’m not a hater, I have a Mac Pro, a Macbook Pro, an iPhone, and a multitude of Apple-branded software....
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Radio Shack
[post_intro] [/post_intro] I go to Radio Shack as often as Tiger Woods cheats on his wife. I’m constantly on the verge of inventing a device that will revolutionize humanity. I’m constantly on the...
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Sam Ash Music
[post_intro] [/post_intro] Sam Ash is like Best Buy for dudes who have tattoos and can’t read music. Over the years, I’ve amassed a respectable amount of knowledge, but within it there are a couple of...
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Gentleman’s Review: Il Gabbiano
19th Century Time-traveling Gentleman’s Review: Il Gabbiano [post_intro] [/post_intro] As a gentleman bred of the highest American pedigree, it was of surprise to me the way restauranteurs of the 21st...
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Perricones Marketplace and Cafe
[post_intro] [/post_intro] Perricones is a little half-restaurant, half-market, half-bar, half-this-is-shitty-math hidden in Mary Brickell Village. I’m serious, dude, it’s hidden behind bushes, trees,...
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The UPS Store Downtown
Normally on Fridays I like leaving reviews about places you can visit over the weekend, like restaurants, clubs, or graveyards to have kinky forbidden ghost sex. I wonder what that’s like. If you’d...
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IKEA
30 Rock assured me my girlfriend and I would break up if we went to IKEA together. I was getting ready to pack all her shit up for her and help her book a flight from Sunrise back to Miami. Well, we’re...
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Opa Locka-Hialeah Flea Market
Hialeah is like a third-world version of Miami. The Opa Locka Hialeah Flea Market is like a 99th-world version of Hialeah if Hialeah were the name of a run-down strip club in Haiti. What I love most...
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Mr. Ganache Chocolatier
Mr. Ganache is the closest thing to Willy Wonka we’ll ever have. No, he’s not a sociopath who nonchalantly disposes of children using candy, subterfuge, and midgets, he’s just a little French dude who...
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Brickell Smoke Shop
The most fun thing about smoke shops is their “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. I’ve never gone to another store and spoken in euphemisms to get what I wanted. Even if I went to a sex toy shop, I’d be...
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